My friend and I talked about my former professor in UP yesterday that her sister in law mentioned to her few days back. We ended up having a lengthy conversation about her and anthropology in general that by the end of it, I realized how I miss college so much.
I used to believe that the academe was my calling: take my masters in UP Diliman and teach in a university after while writing papers on linguistic and visual anthropology. Three years ago, I was sure I did not want to pursue law and become one of those women in suits working at the corporate world.
And then I thought about how inconsistent humans are. Because while a part of me does want to become an anthropologist, here I am writing my notes on criminal procedure stuck at trying to understand how appeals on criminal cases are made.
I have no intention of quitting without passing the bar even if it costs me hours of sleeplessness and shitload of stress; but there are times when I cannot help imagine an alternate universe where I am taking up my masters – would I have been happier? Would the Tanya in that world wonder as well what could have happened if she took up law instead?
So here lies the dilemma: on one hand, we end up sorry and restless over all our unfulfilled goals, always wondering about so many what ifs but on the other hand, we will never learn to stand up to the choices we make and pull shit together to make our way out of the mistakes and inconveniences that we stumble upon had we been given the ability to see which road to take. I guess we get to value circumspection and reflection because every decision makes a huge impact for what comes next. If life was easy and we get to see a glimpse as to which passion to pursue, a lot of the values which make us human would never have existed. And as cliché as this might sound, our choices – including mistakes – definitely define and direct our lives.
Okay now that I finally had it out my mind, kelangan ko na magkape at madami-dami pa akong babasahin.
For the record though, I still am choosing you law. Although I really do not have a choice here, do I?