I noticed how difficult it is for me to write recently despite the many events that I should have been properly documenting and writing about in this blog.
Heck, I graduated last week – from UP, no less! That should have been the highlight of my twenty-one years of existence. Plus, my boyfriend finally got to meet my parents on that same day – which is also a big deal for us since we have been together for more than four years now.
A week before that, I attended two tiring yet instructive days of freshman orientation for law school, met new people, and listened to professors talk about their embarrassing recitations and successes in San Beda.
So why? Why haven’t I been writing?
Writer’s block would have been appropriate if I was actually trying to write in the first place. The truth is, there are just too many changes happening in my life all at once. The transition is a bit brutal and while I am trying my best not to freak out about law school, the fear is slowly overriding whatever is left of my excitement.
And just like any odd coping mechanism I have developed over my years of stay in the university, my mind may have decided on itself to shut down the emotions. This sound very structural-functionalist of me, but that is the best way to explain my insensitivity to my surroundings.
Plus tomorrow, I will be moving to my dorm. The fun part comes with the fact that I’ll be in charge of decorating my room, I won’t have to cook, and that I wouldn’t be sharing the place with a bunch of strangers. But then there’s home sickness, long distance relationship, general distrust for and unfamiliarity of this busy city.
I am having troubles weighing the pros and cons of a lot of things.
Here’s a promise though: I may have a lot of fears and doubts over my capacity, but I will finish what I have started. There are a lot of pressures for me not to screw up law school, thanks to the incessant demands by my father, but I will not fold.
I want to be a Bedan lawyer. Let this shitty blog be the witness of my resolve – even if I sound too cheesy and a lot like a typical trying-hard fresh meat at the lion’s den.