I am experiencing possibly vicious mood swings right now, and yet I still choose not to sleep this off.
I’m never saying sorry again for not writing, because frankly I’ve been in a lot of terrible situations for the past few weeks – ranging from wounding myself over skateboard to having probably the last fight and talk I’ll ever have with my father. While I’m aware of my tendency to overshare, I’m not going to start talking about the details of the fight. But let me tell you this: it was horrible, painful and yet very much fulfilling. You know, sometimes you just have to speak up when you are wronged even if there’s a lot at stake because silence often leads to painful submission.
I’m sick of running around in circles.
This summer has brought me whirlwind of emotions. The good ones were mostly because of my boyfriend who has been patiently listening to me rant and cry over our long distance calls, the irreplaceably happy moments I had with my mother and siblings laughing at my little brother’s songs and dances, and also from the very trusted friends who have been trying to calm me down whenever I feel destructive.
But if there is anything productive (?) or helpful that came out of all these mess that I’ve been through so far is that I finally decided to go to law school. I have been juggling with my emotions for years now, weighing over whether I want to go abroad to pursue graduate studies then teach or work or take up law and it actually feels good to have something clear to look forward to. To be honest, I might have been overly excited for the past couple of days – looking for the best prep courses and books, admission requirements, etc – but I think I’m finally getting over the hysterical phase and into the realistic one: what should I actually do now?
Of course, I’ll try entering UP Law. While I know that there is a very little chance of me getting accepted, I’m still going to try anyway for the crazy belief in tsamba. Ateneo would have been a second choice if we were rich but one look at the fees and I know that I’ll be attending San Beda (if I pass, of course) if I don’t make it to UP. I am currently reading blogs and forums on exam tips, short courses on logic, and generally a bit of everything that I will be focusing on in the months to come. Tomorrow I’ll start reading on this prep book that nanay bought for me last week.
Someday, I will fight for the rights of women and children.
You can connect the dots from there.